All Alone I Heal This Heart Of Sorrow
by unbreakbr0ken
Summary: Future fic DerMer? no addison & an ending & a beginning. first chapter is short but they get better!
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: written by me and my friend Ali… it all started as her idea…_

Chapter 1

She was practically a widow, and sat all alone in her parlor immediately after her fiancé's funeral. Meredith tried to continue the novel that she started reading before the death of Derek, so that she could get him being gone off her mind. She thought of going to another world filled with happiness and joy, but once out of her reverie she realized she could not read at a time like this. She placed the book upon her lap and started out the window as the rain pounded against the ground and the water meandered about. She dreamed about a place where everything was perfect, and no one ever died and left their loved one all alone.

Meredith had met Derek before she started her surgical internship. The relationship soon became complicated because at the time Derek was involved with another woman from New York. After spending more and more time together, they could barely bear to be apart for a day, so Derek broke it off with the other love in his life. The coming summer Derek proposed to Meredith. They were in the midst of planning their wedding when Derek passed.

Derek was involved in a car crash on his way to meet Meredith because she had some very big news to tell him. Derek was in a hurry to get to her so he was not paying enough attention the road. He then collided with another driver. Meredith got a call from the hospital saying Derek was in a car accident and was being treated there. She drove to the hospital, only to find out his body was alive, but his brain was not. Derek was pronounced brain dead and taken off life support. The funeral was three days later.

Nobody knew the reason for Derek getting into the accident. Meredith knew it was most likely because of the news she had to tell him. She remembered talking on the phone with him before the accident.

_"Derek... I'm nervous."_

_"The wedding is soon, you have every right to be nervous."_

_"Not because of that."_

_"Then why?"_

_"I have something to tell you."_

_"Like what?"_

_"Something big... just please try to get home quick, I'm scared."_

_"Why?"_

_"Just... try to get home, please."_

_"Okay, I'll be there as fast as I can." _

The phone clicked and Meredith went on waiting for him to get home, but he never came back and he was never going to.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Meredith looked through the glass at the tiny babies, like she had done so many times with George to cheer themselves up. The only difference was that soon she was going to have one. She continued to watch the newborns, and soon caught sight of all the happy parents looking in. Parents. Her baby wasn't going to have parents, just a parent. Just her, because Derek was gone.

The happy parents soon all left, leaving Meredith alone with her thoughts. George, who had been looking for her all around the hospital, had finally found her looking at the babies. He walked up and stood next to her, and they both watched the tiny babies.

"You know I'm gonna have one, right?"

"What?"

"A baby George, I'm pregnant."

"It's… it is…"

"Yes."

"When? When did you find out?"

"The day Derek got into the accident," she told one of her best friends, as the tears started flowing down her cheeks.

_The board was quiet, which was usually a bad sign. Meredith thought nothing of it, and took the opportunity to take a break and go up to the OB floor. Unfortunately for Meredith, OB's were about as crunched for time as surgeons were, and she was unable to get an appointment for a few weeks._

_Getting frustrated, she decided to just do the test herself. She got the appropriate things, and then found and empty exam room. She tied on the tourniquet above her elbow, and got the needle ready. She quickly found a vein, and got the needle in, attaching the vial as the think red blood filled it._

_She opened the exam room door, and poked her head out. Making sure no one was looking; she stepped out of the room. She quickly made her way to personally deliver her labs, being sure that no one she knew saw her. She dropped off the blood to the lab technician, and then went back down to the surgical floor._

_Her shift was done, and she was just finishing up some post-op notes. Derek had to stay late because he got caught up in a surgery, so Meredith decided to go pick up her labs._

"_Labs for Meredith Grey," she told the lab tech._

_The lab tech flipped through the pages, finally coming across the one he was looking for. "Here you go," he said as he handed the paper to her._

"_Thanks," Meredith replied as she took the paper and folded it in half, not ready to see the results yet._

_She got home, paper still folded as she opened the front door to her and Derek's house. She put her bag down, and fell back onto the sofa. She cradled her head in her hand as she picked up the paper and unfolded it._

"Mer… I'm so sorry," George said as he comforted her and Meredith cried on his shoulder.

"I just, I don't know what I'm gonna do George. I can't do this by myself."

"Mer, you've got me, and Izzie, and I'm sure even Christina will help."

"It's not the same."

"I know, but it's the best you've got."

"The best would've been Derek."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_"Just... try to get home, please," she begged._

_"Okay, I'll be there as fast as I can." Derek pulled the phone away from his ear. He closed it and tossed it onto the passenger seat._

_The rain thumped against the windshield as fast as the wipers wiped it off. It was getting even more stormy out and with Meredith upset about something at home, he wanted to get home as quick as possible. _

_He was on a winding road and it was still pouring rain. He could barely make out anything as the rain continued to pound against the window. He was making a sharp turn, and just as he was coming around it he lost control of his car. He saw headlights coming towards him and tried to regain control, but wasn't able to._

_The two cars crashed into each other with a tremendous force. Derek was left unconscious sprawled across the driver's seat. Minutes later, police officers arrived at the scene, and minutes after that, ambulances were making their way there._

_Once Derek's car door was pried open, the paramedics raced to him, while others attended to the other driver._

"_He's unconscious, weak pulse, and unresponsive to pain," the first paramedic said as he placed a neck brace on Derek._

"_Okay, let's get him outta here."_

_They placed the back board behind Derek, and gently got him onto it. They hoisted him up onto the gurney, and wheeled it to the ambulance. Once Derek was situated in the ambulance they took off to the nearest hospital, which happened to be where Derek and Meredith both worked._

"_How's he doing?" the paramedic driving the ambulance asked._

"_Vitals are still stable."_

_They finally arrived at the hospital, the second paramedic now doing CPR._

"_He's in arrest!" he said, as the ER doctors rushed him off to a trauma room._

"I'm gonna get through this, right?"

"Of course," Izzie told her.

"But what about the baby?"

"Mer, we told you we are all gonna help you out anytime you need, don't worry."

"Okay. It's just that tomorrow I have an appointment."

"And Christina is going to go with you because she has the day off."

"I know," Meredith said sadly.

"Then what's the problem?"

"It should be Derek going with me."

"We know Mer. Der should've been here for a lot of things, but he isn't and he isn't going to be."

Meredith tried to hold back tears, but quickly gave up and let them run down her cheeks.

"It's not fair."

"I know."

"I hate him. I hate him for leaving me and I hate him for leaving me to raise our child all alone," she said as she threw the pillow she was crying on across the room.

"You don't hate him, and you have us to help you," Izzie said calmly.

"It's not the same!" Meredith screamed, letting out a fit of sobs.

"We know, we know," Izzie said, embracing Meredith. She rocked her back and forth as Meredith cried on her shoulder.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Now Mer, Christina is going to pick you up at ten to bring you to your appointment, which is at quarter after ten. Make sure you are ready on time so you aren't late; you know how those OBs are. Um, eat something for breakfast, it's not good to function on an empty stomach and you are feeding two now-"

Meredith cut her off, "-Okay Mom."

"Sorry," Izzie said as she grabbed her bag and made her way out. She yelled "Bye Mer!" throughout the house before closing the door.

Meredith let out a sigh of relief as Izzie finally left, but the door soon opened again. "If I'm not too swamped I'll try to make it to the appointment," she yelled to Mer.

"Good-bye!" Meredith yelled sarcastically.

Meredith moped around the kitchen, trying to find something to eat when the phone rang.

_Ring, Ring._

_Meredith walked over to the nearest phone. She picked it up, "Hello?"_

"_Is this Dr. Grey?"_

"_Yes."_

"_This is Dr. Phillips from the ER. You're fiancé was just brought in."_

"_What!"_

"_He was in a car accident Dr. Grey. He's in critical condition. You should probably get down here quick."_

"_Um, okay," Meredith said as she scrambled to find her car keys. "Is it bad?"_

"_Just try to get here soon."_

_Click._

Ring, Ring.

Meredith scrambled to get the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Mer, I'm leaving in like twenty minutes to come pick you up."

"Okay."

"Is everything okay, you seem a little…"

"A little what?"

"A little jumpy. Never mind, just be ready on time," Christina said.

Meredith hung up the phone and went upstairs to get ready, suddenly not feeling very hungry anymore. She went upstairs, got dressed, and put on some make-up. She was just finished getting ready and was coming down the stairs when the door bell rang. "Come in!" she yelled.

Christina opened the door and came in, as Meredith rushed around trying to get her things together.

"Did you eat something? Izzie told me to make sure you ate something."

"No, and when do you ever listen to what Izzie says?"

"Never."

"My point exactly, let's go," Meredith said as she walked out the front door.

Meredith was quiet for most of the car ride. They were only half way to the hospital when she first spoke. "Remember when I called you?"

"When?"

"On my way to the hospital, I called you. I was right about here," Meredith said pointing out the window.

_She couldn't take it anymore. It was probably only ten more minutes until she got to the hospital, but she couldn't stand not knowing. She picked up her phone and dialed Christina, hoping she could help her out._

_Christina picked up the phone after the fourth ring._

"_Christina?"_

"_Mer?"_

"_Yeah, it's me."_

"_What happened? You don't sound okay."_

"_Derek was in an accident."_

"_Is he okay?"_

"_I don't know, I'm coming there now."_

"_They brought him here?"_

"_Yeah," Meredith sighed. "Chris, can you go check on him?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Okay…and thanks." Meredith hung up the phone, feeling a little better knowing that someone she knew was with Derek._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Meredith and Christina stepped out of the car, trying to hurry so they wouldn't be late. They were making their way through the doors when Meredith suddenly stopped. Christina looked behind herself to see Meredith just staring into the hospital.

"Mer, is everything okay?"

_Meredith quickly parked her car, practically opening the door before the car had even stopped. She got out and walked as fast as possible to the hospital's entrance. From there she ran her way down to the emergency room._

"_Shepherd." Meredith caught her breath as the nurse looked up at her. "Where is Dr. Shepherd?" _

_The nurse looked at the board and told Meredith what room Derek was in. Before she had time to thank the nurse, Meredith was running towards trauma room number two. She burst opened the door, seeing Derek lying on the bed and Christina seated on the far wall._

"_How is he?"_

"_It doesn't look good Mer."_

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," Meredith replied.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah it's just … the last time I walked through these doors was… you know…"

Christina walked back to where Meredith was and grabbed her hand and they both walked through the doors together.

"_Dr. Grey, can I talk with you for a minute?"_

"_Sure," Meredith replied, even though she didn't want to leave Derek's side._

"_Dr. Grey, it doesn't look too good."_

"_Wh-… What do you mean?"_

"_If he doesn't respond to anything in the next six hours we have to declare him."_

"_Declare him…?"_

"_Brain dead Dr. Grey, you should know that."_

_She nodded her head. "Of course."_

"_Do you know if there's any way to get a hold of his relatives? We'd like to talk to them about organ donation."_

"_Organ donation?"_

"Look at him or her," Meredith said pointing to her sonogram.

"Aw, he or she is gonna be so cute Mer," Izzie said.

"How can you tell how it's gonna look just from that?" Christina said, ruining the excitement.

"We can't, you just know," Meredith chimed in.

"Yeah, I mean with Mer and Derek's genes…" Izzie stopped realizing what she just said. Everyone remained quiet. "I'm so sorry Mer," Izzie apologized.

"It's okay Iz, I mean he's gone, but at least I still have a part of him," Meredith said touching her stomach.

"_I guess it would give his death some meaning," Meredith contemplated._

"_It's your decision now Mer."_

"_But why? Why can't his family just come and decide. Why me?"_

_Izzie shrugged her shoulders, unsure of what else to say to her best friend. "You were gonna get married Mer. That means something."_

"_But it wasn't even in his will! I mean I don't even know if he even had a will. We've never discussed it before, so how do I know?"_

_Izzie took Meredith's hand in hers. "Mer, he had a will. He left almost everything to you, including the decision making if anything were to happen to him."_

"_What!"_

"_After you guys got engaged, he re-made his will."_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_They came with the coolers, waiting to take away his parts so they would be able to help others. One by one they removed them, the liver, kidneys, lungs and more. They finally got to his heart, taking it out with gentle care. Then he was gone._

_They asked her if she wanted to see him before they took him down to the morgue. She nodded her head yes, not being able to say anything. She opened the door the OR. There was still someone in there, stitching him up. The nurse turned her head from what she was doing when she heard Meredith come in._

"_Can I?"_

_The nurse silently stepped away from what she was doing and Meredith stitched him up._

"How is she?" Meredith asked, already worrying about her little baby girl.

"She's good," Christina told her smiling. "They're just cleaning her up and stuff."

"Alright."

"You should rest for a while Mer, it's gonna be a while before you can see her."

When Meredith woke up after resting all she wanted to do was see her little baby girl. When Izzie, Christina, and George couldn't stand her impatience anymore they finally convinced the nurses to bring her in.

"Are you ready Mer?" Izzie asked as she picked up the tiny baby from the cradle.

She nodded her head yes as Izzie handed the little pink bundle to her. She held her little baby gently, looking at her delicate features.

"Does she have a name?" George asked.

Meredith looked at her baby girl. Her and Derek's baby girl. "Emily," she said.

_They both fell back on the bed, exhausted from a long day of work. Out of the blue Derek asked, "Do you want children?"_

"_What?" she said as her head jerked up from the surprising question._

"_You know, like after we get married."_

"_I'm not sure, maybe. Why?"_

"_Just curious."_

"_Oh," Meredith said as the room fell quiet._

_Deciding to break the silence, Derek spoke up again. "What would we name them?"_

"_Them? Now it's more than one?"_

"_I don't know." The room fell silent again._

"_Well what would we name them?" Meredith asked, now suddenly curious._

"_For a boy, I think I'd choose Ryan."_

"_I can live with that."_

"_And for a girl, Emily," he said, like he knew for certain there was going to someday be an Emily._

fin

A/N: I'm writing a sequel about Meredith and Emily. It might be awhile until you actually see it, but eventually I will have it done :


End file.
